No way of knowing what might have been

Forgotten hymns and myths intertwined, which bring up memories and tears. Songs we’ve heard, places we’ve dined, and some of our greatest fears. We can’t erase, nor go back, though often we wish that we could. And I may face the uneven sidewalk through the crack, but I’m not sure if it does any good. Photos jar us, as we know those far from us stare at the same stars at night. Kneeling on the gravel, as life seems to unravel, more so as we grip it tight. Have I passed any tests? Pleased any guests? Made such an extraordinary change? That a multitude of other’s burdens have lightened in their chests, allowed them more rest, and combated the fact that people are strange. If someone isn’t ever truly given a chance, or they don’t know how to take the chances they’re given, you cannot judge their potential by the way that they dance, or by the quality of the life they’re now living. If someone is loved and nurtured and presented with options that play to their strengths, and taught a vision of life without bleakness, they will be less apt to shove, feel less tortured, and go to great lengths to find and grow relationships that complement weakness. There is no button to push, no date to be entered, no hatch to close, and no doc to consult. We can only move forward though we best learn in reverse. My brain has become mush, I am my own dissenter, a thorn looking for its rose, and my heart feels the tumult of curse. It hurts behind my eyes, I don’t know if drinking helps or it hurts, in the hallmark section labeled ‘karmic surprise’, I’m eating my just desserts. Why is it that dreams are out of grasp? That my heart yearns for so much more than it can have? That I don’t feel that any of it is too much to ask? And that I yearn for the grave? Sweet end to this storm of chaos, feels far too far off from my sight. Complete mend to this warm heart toss can steal the ache from my plight. Let me breathe it in. Let me exhale it out. Let me search the night for the answers I’ll never find. Let me beat my own body to death or worse, even if just to kill my mind. Let me know the peace of belonging, let me know the warmth of true love, let me say the right thing, not do the wrong thing, and keep my eyes set above. Let me open my mind to hold the entire world, and then close it to bid it good night. Let me keep that intense sense that somehow, someday this will all be alright. Let me sleep beside Annabel near the sea, in the hopes that she wakes and chooses me back. Let others somehow see the ways I am not a creep, and the ways in which I do not lack. Please life give me the chance. Please universe understand me as I am. Please God find a way to use it for good. I have yet to get on the floor, let alone dance my best dance, and my heart hasn’t yet shown what it could. I’ve glimpsed in brief, learned in moments, and seen the potential as to know how it may have felt. But, until that time, as life beats and unravels, on the gravel I will remain knelt.

About SIDEWAYS EIGHT

Being heard, stirred, and perhaps cured by life's many hidden images and the written-spoken word.
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