.
When I say I love you
I don’t mean
what you give me
what you do for me
or even the zeroes behind your one
When I say I love you
what I mean is
that tender heart
beating like a metal drummer on speed
coerced into believing
it is unworthy of existence
When I say I love you
I don’t mean
the mending caress the hairdresser
placates your soul with
or how the shine of your
lip gloss accentuates the tint
of your freshly done nails
though they are all fierce
When I say I love you
what I mean is I can’t quit you
the fireworks behind your eyes
when you sing
the delicate balance
between hurricane
and wishing well
the indelible mark
your have placed
ever so ferociously
upon my brow
so you are always on my mind
the kindness with which you
present life
how you try to hide your suffering
in attempt to avoid feeling burdensome
by crying seated on the bathroom floor
door closed often locked
cell phone on full volume playing
some new podcast you’re
not even listening to
in attempts to muffle the sobs
I know because you’re never gone
that long when you need to actually
use the toilet, just when the universe
feels like it’s using you as one
I don’t love that you’re tortured
I hate it in fact
I love that you’re moving toward cured
and I’ll help you unpack
I love you as you are
baggy sweats runny mascara
and my heart on speed dial
So when I say I love you
that is what I mean
.
.
.
.
.
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